MEMO TO ALL STAFF

Due to the current financial situation caused by the present recession, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put all workers of 30 years of age, on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants of Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management. Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring it to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle



The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always b e based on a forgotten past;
you can't go forward in life until .......
you let go of your past failures and heartaches.